[The text below represents an edited transcript of this Tomorrow’s World program.]
The Irony of Selfishness: Reinforcing Misery
In many very real ways, our civilization today could be one of the most self-centered in human history. Virtually every aspect of life is being overrun with the idea that you are the center of the universe, and what’s most important is your opinion, your desires, your interests, and your fulfillment. Yet, that approach is creating little more than anxiety, depression, and—ironically—very unfulfilled lives.
Thankfully, Jesus Christ confronts the spirit of this age with an approach that shatters that thinking and replaces it with a truth that is far more profound—one anchored in the very purpose of human life.
In a way, our society is unique in human history. We’ve never en masse had so much of our individual worlds personalized to cater to our every whim and personality quirk. Nor have we had cold, calculating, and tireless machines and profit-driving economic systems devoted to keeping it that way—and driving our self-interest and self-focus deeper and deeper.
Social Media Revives the Myth of Narcissus
Consider social media. The ancient Greeks used to tell the mythical tale of Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection in the water—focusing on himself so much that he began neglecting everything else. Well, we are creating that mythical tragedy in the real world on a civilizational level with our social media feeds—Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, and others.
We have designed software and algorithms of almost unimaginable power that continue to learn about us and feed us exactly what we ourselves want from them. Now, we might protest: “I hate my social media feeds! I don’t want that!” And yet, they know better. Why? Because we keep on scrolling. We keep checking our notifications. Our mouths say “no,” but our scrolling thumbs say “yes.”
And the more subtle lesson of social media is not lost on us. For instance, there is a reason it’s called “YOU-Tube.” The wall of videos it offers you every time you go to its homepage communicates an important idea: You should only have to watch content you want to watch, hear messages you want to hear. With social media, streaming services, podcasts, we begin to be imprisoned by walls of our own design, until we live in an echo chamber that does little more than amplify our own emotions, solidify conclusions we’ve already made, and reinforce beliefs we already have—whether right or wrong.
“There’s an app for that.”
If we want food, well there’s little need to work with others to prepare a meal anymore. We can order anything we like, and there is a service ready to deliver it to our door—even if it’s just a cup of coffee. In fact, we can often pay with our phones and almost avoid interacting with another person completely.
In fact, our culture is corrupting with selfishness even the most intimate of interactions. Dating apps help people avoid the awkwardness of actually getting to know someone before “swiping right” or “swiping left.” Pornography is more rampant than ever, normalizing and reinforcing the idea that sex is about individual gratification and personal satisfaction—about what you get for yourself and not a means of caring for someone else to whom you are fully committed.
Being “true to yourself,” “living your truth,” “being authentic,” and “choosing your own identity” have been elevated to cultural virtues. Articles with titles like “I’ve Picked My Job Over My Kids” (June 29, 2019) and “I Put My Career Before My Family” (August 20, 2019) are published as if they are celebrating a virtue instead of a fault, and children and spouses are seen mainly as a means to our personal fulfillment—to be ignored or downgraded if need be if they aren’t contributing to how we think our life ought to be.
Focusing on Yourself Ruins Personal Connection
Yet, for all our focus on self-satisfaction, self-promotion, self-improvement, self-care, and self-fulfillment, we are in worse shape than ever.
In the U.S., for instance—a nation in which self-determination is virtually a point of pride—surveys show that depression has steadily grown in the last decade, hitting all-time highs in recent years (“U.S. Depression Rates Reach New Highs,” Gallup, May 17, 2023). In fact, the young among us may be hit the hardest. In his powerful 2024 book, The Anxious Generation, author Jonathan Haidt [“Height”] notes that suicide rates for boys have grown 91 percent since 2010—and for girls, 167 percent.
Why the skyrocketing growth since 2010? Haidt points to the spread of smartphones—the ultimate tool in personalized entertainment.
Ironically, as our society has increasingly trained us to focus on ourselves—our own needs, pleasures, and happiness—we are increasingly frustrated, anxious, and depressed. But there is a better way.
The Real Answer to How to Be Happy—Mark 8:34
Followers of Jesus Christ who are serious about living according to His teachings live by a different rule: You don’t belong to you.
Instead, you belong to Him—to both His Father and to Christ Himself—and your life is to be devoted to Their wants, desires, and plans, not yours.
This principle is expressed in many ways in many places in the pages of Scripture. Let’s look at a few. For instance, turn to Mark 8:34–35.
When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.”
Note that this is the very opposite of the dynamic we’ve been talking about. He isn’t just talking about dying for Him. He’s talking about living for Him, too, making your own priorities, desires, and goals secondary compared to His will and plans.
Look, too, in 1 Corinthians. There, Paul is writing to Christians in Corinth about obeying God’s laws with regard to sexuality and marriage. In chapter 6, he makes the same point Christ did. Here is the passage in the Revised Standard Version:
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body (RSV, 1 Corinthians 6:19–20).
Of course, in our culture today, most feel God should keep His nose out of their sex lives. And the rotten and painful fruit of that attitude toward sex is all around us—broken lives, broken hearts, and rampant disease. But when you understand that you don’t belong to you—you belong to Him—all of that changes.
Paul wrote on the same principle to the Christians in Rome, as well. Look in Romans 14: 7–8.
For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.
It is simply a central element of a Christ-following way of life: You do not belong to you. You belong to Him.
Following Jesus Means Filling Others’ Needs
And Jesus didn’t just teach that way of life. He lived it. In the gospel accounts we see Him, time and again, giving Himself to others. And even the night before His terrible and torturous crucifixion, as He hoped there might be another way—what did He pray?
We see it in Luke 22:42.
“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.”
Even the Son of God recognized: He did not belong to Himself.
This thinking flies in the face of the attitude that surrounds us in our world today. Because rather than focus on our own concerns, belonging to God means our higher calling is to focus on the needs of others, not our own.
The Apostle Paul teaches this plainly in his letter to the Philippians, in chapter 2.
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others (Philippians 2:3–4).
The Ten Commandments Show How to Love Others
Even in the core commands of the Christian life, the Ten Commandments, we see this idea. Jesus once summarized the Ten Commandments into two Great Commandments. We read His summary in Matthew 22:37–40.
“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
Now note, He didn’t see a need to command us to love ourselves. That comes naturally to us. Rather, He said that the law of God focuses you on loving God first and loving your neighbor as much as you already love yourself.
Yes, you do need to see to your own health and safety to be able to serve others. Again, the Christian’s body is the temple of the Holy Spirit—and made in God’s own image. That is to be respected and cared for.
Change Your Focus to Improve Relationships
Yet the purpose and meaning in our lives is not fulfilled in self-care, but in care for others.
This understanding transforms virtually every relationship we have with others—and even with ourselves.
Consider marriage. In today’s world, too often a spouse is evaluated on whether or not he or she continues to “fulfill” you or “satisfy” you. But when you don’t belong to you, the perspective changes. Instead of seeing your spouse as either a tool or obstacle to your own personal fulfillment, each begins focusing on the other’s fulfillment. And as they do, they begin to experience more of what marriage was created to be in the first place—richer, fuller, and more meaningful.
And when children come along, the father and mother don’t see them as some source of their own fulfillment—or something to make their own lives complete. Rather, the parents see themselves as responsible for nurturing and serving their children. Children aren’t something to take second place to our own career ambitions. Instead, they become part of the reason we earn a living in the first place.
But the family is only one arena that is transformed. Our lives as employees or employers, teachers or students, customers or store owners—all take on new meaning, as we see ourselves as being owned by God and being tools in His hands to serve others. Our friendships are transformed, as we see our friends not as those who make us happy, but as those we have the opportunity to serve and care for.
And more than relationships are transformed. Embracing the fact that we belong to our Creator and not ourselves changes how we see everything around us—every experience, every joy, and every trial. And it anchors our lives deeply in the profound reason for our very existence—the purpose God created us to fulfill.
This loving, outward focus is clearly important to God.
But why? After all, the animal world is pretty self-centered. Most animals focus mainly on eating, reproducing, and protecting themselves. Why should man be any different?
Because man is not an animal. We have been created for a much higher purpose than any animal will ever know.
Live as a Child of God for the Family of God
Every human being has been created with the potential of one day joining God the Father and Jesus Christ His Son—in Their divine family as children of God.
This is not merely symbolic language or metaphor. God is literally expanding His family through mankind, and the purpose of life is to one day join that family.
This truth is cast aside by almost every so-called “Christian” denomination, but it is the truth of your Bible.
1 John 3 says that those who are His—that is, those who recognize in this life that they do not belong to themselves, but belong to Him—will not only meet Him in the air, but they will “see Him as He is” and will be “like Him” (1 John 3:2).
Romans 8:17 says that as Children of God we are “joint heirs with Christ”—destined to be “glorified together” with Him.
We aren’t destined to be God’s pets or His “curious creatures” for eternity. “Child of God” means child of God. “Son” or “daughter” means son or daughter. And when Paul writes in Ephesians 3:15 of “the whole family in heaven and earth,” “family” means family.
May God Almighty deliver each and every one of us from the manmade philosophical and theological words that most ministers use to talk about God and open our ears to accept the words He Himself inspired to be written.
What Is the Meaning of Life? Become Like God
The purpose of this life is to grow to be like our Savior on the inside so that, at His return, we may forever be like Him on the outside, as well—as fully formed children of God, ready to inherit eternity in glory.
This is why the Bible contains multiple admonitions from God that we are to become like Him. We see one example in Leviticus 11:45. After commanding Israel concerning which animals were food and which animals were not, He says:
“For I am the Lord who brings you up out of the land of Egypt, to be your God. You shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.”
Jesus continues this theme in His own teachings. Jump forward to the New Testament and look in Matthew 5:48.
“Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.”
The same teaching! The broader context in Matthew really brings today’s idea home. Let’s begin earlier in verse 43 of this beautiful and challenging passage.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:43–48).
Live by Jesus’ Teachings to Build Character
Nothing in that description sounds like the “you belong to you” attitude of our world—yet it does reflect the very character of God—character Christ seeks to build in us.
In 1 John 4:8, we’re told that “God is love,” outgoing concern for others more than self. It is His desire that we have that same nature in us—His nature in us, that we embrace the truth that we do not belong to ourselves. We belong to Him, and He is fulfilling a great purpose in us.
Of course, all of this might seem like a bit much. Loving even our enemies? Those who hate us? Those who spitefully use us and persecute us?
To be sure, it goes against the spirit of our age, in which taking offense has become a national pastime. In fact, it goes even against human nature. It is human to think you belong to you. To selflessly embrace God’s ownership of your life is something else entirely.
You know, Jesus said something really remarkable in Matthew 11. Look at it with me, starting in verse 29.
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:29).
At times, I’ve found this statement odd. Because Christians have, historically, been persecuted, even tortured and executed, for their faith. Even Jesus, Himself, called following Him the “narrow gate” and the “difficult path.”
Yet, once you come to understand your purpose in life, the yoke is easier, and the burden is lighter, because your challenges and trials are no longer meaningless—not suffering for the sake of suffering, but suffering knowing that God is allowing that experience, while helping you through it, and using that experience to help form His own character and love in you.
It’s why James is able to write in the first chapter of his letter,
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing (James 1:2–4).
Embracing the fact that you do not belong to you does not guarantee you will not have hard times. Yet, neither does the self-centered spirit of this age. And, in contrast, embracing God’s ownership of you and your life, along with the purpose that He’s working out in you, gives those hard times real and transcendent meaning—a meaning that the hollow self-centered approach could never have.
Use Strength from God to Overcome Selfishness
And unlike the self-centered approach, when you understand that you do not belong to you, then you do not go through life alone.
The philosophies of our self-centered society like to say, “You are all you need,” and “You are enough!” But we aren’t enough, and we don’t have to be. For those willing to give ownership of their lives over to God and His Son, They, in turn, give of Themselves to live within us and begin transforming us, helping us fulfill Their purpose for us. Paul writes of this in Galatians 2:20. Here in the King James Version, we read:
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
No, you don’t belong to you. Christ expects you to give yourself to Him. Yet He has already given Himself for you. He doesn’t ask you to embrace a selfless care for others that He does not embrace Himself. And as Paul says here, for those willing to give up their self-will, He lives His life in them—making possible the transformation, the fulfillment of their purpose, that they could never accomplish on their own.
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