Is marriage dying?

Why are so many men opting for permanent bachelorhood? Bachelor Carl Weisman, author of So Why Have You Never Been Married?: Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed, surveyed 1,533 unmarried heterosexual men, and came to some startling conclusions.

Ten out of 11 of these men said they were more frightened of a bad marriage than of remaining single. Those without much money felt they had nothing to offer a bride, while financially successful bachelors feared losing their wealth in an expensive divorce. Four out of ten said they did not want the responsibility of parenthood. Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study, Reuters, June 2, 2008).

What can be learned from this – and how do these men's attitudes affect our society? Millions of today's unmarried adults grew up in single-parent homes, or in dysfunctional two-parent households. Some never knew a father; others knew only a distant or violent parent. Growing up in a world where sexual desires can so easily be gratified outside marriage, millions see no need to take the risk of marrying when they can have the "benefits" for free. But is "free sex" really free? Unmarried women who "sleep around" and emulate the "Sex in the City" lifestyle often find themselves entering middle-age with no steady relationships – and with reputations that make them unmarriageable. Similarly, how many men perpetrate a double-standard, happy to "play the field" – then rejecting as marriage partners those women who do the same?

God abhors this chaos! He established marriage – between one man and one woman – as the basis for each family, as the union meant to provide a safe and loving home where children can be nurtured and grow into responsible adults. He considers it no small thing when a marriage fails. "And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 'For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence,' Says the Lord of hosts. 'Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously'" (Malachi 2:15-16).

Divorce statistics in the United States are appalling! Though the U.S. population is growing, its number of marriages continues to decline. Divorce often brings poverty to one or both separated spouses, and is a major factor in children growing up in poverty. It often breeds emotional trauma and resentment in the children of divorced parents.

Even the Republic of Ireland, long known for its conservative attitude toward divorce, is seeing an upsurge in marital breakups – there are more than 60,000 divorced people in Ireland, with many more legally separated. Tough economic times are one reason for the trend. "When money looks like flying out of the window, love walks out of the door," commented a member of London law firm Mishcon de Reya. British law firms say they are "besieged" by wives wanting to secure good financial settlements before their husbands are laid off ("Divorce to soar as economy plummets," The Independent, June 1, 2008).

Certainly divorce is the better solution in some cases of extreme emotional, physical abuse, when no amount of professional counseling has been able to help. But for millions of Americans, divorce has become the first resort, not the last, when a marriage faces any difficulty. "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:27-28). And: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them" (Colossians 3:18-19).

A nation without the character to repent and hold its families together is condemning its children – and the future of the nation itself – to decline and eventual destruction. We all need to wake up, before it is too late! To learn more about how you can have a happy marriage and bring up healthy, well-adjusted children, read our booklets God's Plan for Happy Marriage and Successful Parenting: God's Way.

You do not need to become another failed-marriage statistic!