[The text below represents an edited transcript of this Tomorrow’s World program.]

How to Save Your Marriage

Is your marriage on the rocks? Do you find you and your spouse constantly arguing and bickering? Do even the smallest issues seem to blow up into major disputes?

Many silently suffer in a marriage fraught with conflict and pain. You might be one of them. You might feel it’s hopeless, there’s nothing that can be done. Well, before you give up, keep listening.

What if you have a decent marriage? What if you and your spouse get along, but you sense you could be closer. If you’d like a breakthrough, then this program is for you, too.

What if you describe your marriage as close and fulfilling? Could it be better? I think we’d all agree even great marriages, between flawed people, can always improve.

What if you’re not married, will never marry, or have zero interest in marriage? Well, if that’s the case, don’t turn off this program yet, because believe it or not, what we’re going to cover still applies to you.
The issue of marriage is something that concerns all of us. No matter what time of life we’re in, regardless of our age, or the state of our marriage, or even if we’re not married at all.

Marriage is in crisis. Never it seems has it been so misunderstood, misapplied, and even ridiculed. The institution itself is going through a dramatic transformation before our eyes, in the modern world. Consider what the website ourworldindata.org has to say.

Within the last decades the institution of marriage has changed more than in the thousands of years before… The proportion of people who are getting married is going down in many countries across the world (“Marriages and Divorces,” February 2025).

And truly, when we look at the drop in marriage rates all over the world, it is a shocking and disturbing trend. And extremely worrisome, because marriage is one of the basic building blocks of society. But where did marriage come from?

Some see marriage as a man-made construct—something that our ancestors millions of years ago figured would be a good idea. You know, the picture of marriage beginning when a caveman dragged his chosen female mate back to his cave to be his wife. And the rest is history.

Is that how marriage began?

No. The truth is, marriage was invented by God Himself. We find that in Genesis 2:20.

So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man (Genesis 2:20-22).

These were the first humans, not some imaginary Neanderthals dragging their mates around by the hair. And marriage was designed to create a bond of trust and loyalty between a man and a woman who’ve committed their lives to each other. It thrives in a state of godly character, honesty, and transparency. And it was intended to become the launching pad for children who grow up learning respect and decency from their parents.

Imagine a society where thousands and even millions of family units are built on this type of stable and solid foundation. Think about the far-reaching positive benefits for society at large. Mature, well-adjusted, and honest adults who function dependably in the workplace and in the community. And where did they learn those traits? In a godly Christian home, from parents who had built a strong marriage together.

Tips for Fixing Your Marriage

You see, everything starts in the home. And the home environment is built on marriage. And marriage was established by God.

So if you want to build a better marriage yourself, you have to start at the beginning. And that beginning is our first key today.

Know God Created Marriage—and Why

1. Acknowledge that marriage comes from God.

This might seem like a simple point. But it actually has far-reaching consequences. If we acknowledge that God is the author of marriage, that means He can define what it is.

No, it’s not any arrangement of two people who love each other, however love is defined. It’s not a man in a union with another man, or a woman with another woman. No, God defines marriage as a special covenant for life, between a man and a woman.

Acknowledging that marriage comes from God also defines what constitutes appropriate behavior in that relationship. Just as God created marriage, God created sex. And God designed sex to be exclusively limited to a man and wife within the marriage relationship. Notice what Jesus said in Matthew 5:31-32.

“It has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”

The phrase “sexual immorality” comes from the Greek root word pornea. Pornea would include repeated adultery, a lifestyle of being unfaithful. And pornea—from which we get the word “pornography”—could also certainly include an addiction to pornography if one is resistant to giving it up.

You see, acknowledging that God created marriage changes everything. It means that we look to Him to know how to conduct our lives, even in our closest relationship.

It means we even seek His perspective on divorce, as Malachi 2:16 notes.

“For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

God hates divorce because He knows how much damage it does to the family. And He wants to help us avoid that.

So if you want to build a better marriage, you’ve got to know where to start. Whether you’re in a troubled marriage, or whether your marriage is generally happy but could be better, we have a map for making improvements. And it all starts with acknowledging God as the Creator. He designed it. He knows how to make it work best.

What’s the next key?

Don’t Have an Exit Strategy

2. Commit to your spouse.

There was a time, even in the recent past, when marriage was assumed to be for life. Where did that idea come from? Well, from the Bible—Romans 7:2 says this.

For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband.

You see, this wasn’t a man-made idea. God defined marriage as a lifelong commitment. A sacred covenant.

When Jesus was on this earth, the Jews asked Him about marriage—specifically about divorce. Notice His response in Mark 10:6-9.

“From the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’… Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

But today we see very different expectations. The mentality all too often is “I’ll love you as long as you love me.” Or “I’ll stay with you as long as my needs are met.” Some seek to be free of a marriage if they feel they no longer love the person they married.

But can you see the flaws in each of these mindsets? They are setting a limit on the commitment they are willing to make.

Now, before going on any further, let me explain. Christ did say that there are times when a marriage relationship had been broken beyond repair. The damage is done and is very difficult to be undone. As noted already, one of those times is when a partner has fallen into a lifestyle of sexual immorality and is unrepentant. That’s a valid reason for divorce.

Another example is found in the writings of the Apostle Paul. He’s talking to Christians who are married to unbelievers, and says in 1 Corinthians 7:15,

But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

In other words, there are times when the other person has made it clear that he or she no longer intends to fulfill the marriage contract. Even with time, and counseling, and perseverance of the committed partner, the other person is done. Maybe they abandon their mate. Or perhaps they are terribly abusive. At times such as this, as Paul explains, it is appropriate to dissolve the marriage.

But truthfully, in our day, too many marriages are wrecked simply because two people just can’t get along. In many cases it could be salvaged—and even improved—with a little more patience and perseverance.

There was a fascinating study conducted in the United Kingdom that was referred to by the Marriage Foundation in February 2017. The Marriage Foundation is an organization in Britain that advocates for policies that support marriage and the family. Here is what they found.

It is widely presumed that “staying together in an unhappy marriage” condemns couples to a life of misery (“Couples on the Brink,” marriagefoundation.org.uk).

This is the common assumption, but the study found that in most cases, that’s simply not true. The study followed a group of 10,000 parents with newborn children, focusing on a small subset of that group who described their marriages as “unhappy.” What was the result of the study?

Of this small minority, 30% split up within ten years. Of those who stayed together, two thirds reported that they were now happy and only 7% still unhappy.

Did you catch that? In other words, even if you’re struggling in your marriage, even if you feel unhappy, don’t give up. Sometimes you’ll go through a time of high stress and difficulty. The solution is generally not to bail out, but to work on it together, learn what you can learn, and try to figure out what you may be doing wrong, personally. And to persevere. In most cases, it will get better.

Which brings us back to the point of this section: Commit to your spouse. If we go into marriage with a Plan B, so to speak—if divorce is an option if things get too hard—then it’s more likely that some day we’ll take that option.

On the other hand, if we go into marriage with the mindset, “I am committed to this marriage until death. I will do everything I possibly can to make it work. Even if times get rough, I’m not going to see divorce as an escape hatch.” That will change our perspective dramatically. When we hit the storms of life, we’re going to pull out all the stops to make it work. We’re going to redouble our efforts. We’re going to seek counseling. We’re going to humble ourselves and try to figure it out, together.

My wife and I were blessed to have parents with intact marriages, who were faithful to each other for decades. They gave us good examples. But we also have many friends who were not blessed in the same way. Yet I know some of our friends, in their own marriages, have made it a specific and determined goal to not follow the same path as their parents. They don’t want divorce to even be an option.

Again, please understand. God is not condoning you staying in a relationship that is physically abusive or where the other person has no intention of fulfilling his or her portion of the marriage contract. But in our experience, many people split up when they could have made it work with a little more persistence, a little more patience, and a little more commitment.

I know what I’m saying is not easy. Even a good marriage will be tested. We are all human. We all make mistakes. We say and do things we ought not. But we’ve got to understand, we’re living in a generation that undermines the importance of commitment. It’s a sign of our times.

Commitment is so important in our relationships. Not just marriage, but all of our relationships. Lack of commitment to treat one another with integrity and respect is one thing that is tearing society apart. Notice what the Apostle Paul prophesied in 2 Timothy 3:1–4.

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

What Paul is describing is a world where people’s greatest commitment is to themselves; satisfying the self. And that describes our world today all too often. So, we have to work that much harder to learn to be committed to our mate.

Be Willing to Give 100%

And this brings us to the next key:

3. Give 100%.

In a traditional Western culture wedding, the father gives the bride away. And it’s a touching moment when he walks the young woman he’s raised down the aisle, as she enters a new phase of her life with her husband to be. The bond between a father and a daughter is very special. And it’s a pivotal moment when he “gives her away.”

But too many people don’t understand that after the wedding, they now need to “give themselves away.” As a husband or wife, they need to go into marriage not with a selfish mindset, but rather with an attitude of giving 100% to their mate. Notice Paul’s statement quoting Jesus in Acts 20:35.

And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

When we understand this, and apply it, it creates a powerful dynamic that can revitalize even a troubled marriage. Even a marriage that has hit a rough patch. This is an antidote: Marriage is about giving 100%—not demanding our needs.

Some have described marriage as a 50/50 proposition. If you give 50% and your mate gives 50%, you’ll meet in the middle. In actual practice, this doesn’t work. What happens in a 50/50 relationship? Well, we both give up to a certain point, and then we stop. And we expect the other person to meet us. This is the problem with a 50/50 marriage. It’s like two people standing on two ends of an unfinished bridge spanning a river. The two people are standing on the edges, looking into the gulf between them, wondering why the other person isn’t doing more. And all the while, the chasm between them seems to loom larger and larger. Does this ever describe your experience?

Let me present a better model. That is each person giving 100%. That means I’m giving 100% no matter what my mate does. I’m going to give even when I don’t feel like it, and even if for the moment I feel the other person doesn’t deserve it.

The apostle Paul explained this in Ephesians 5:33.

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Paul doesn’t say, “Husbands, love your wife if she loves you back.” And yet, all too often, that’s how we husbands act. If we don’t feel loved, why should we sacrifice more? If she is being cutting or critical, why should I try to be patient and loving? But that’s wrong thinking. Rather, we are to do what Paul said. We are to love our wife, period—especially when she isn’t especially loveable. That’s the time when our love is tested. And frankly, that’s when our wife needs our patience and love the most. And if you are willing to do that, if you are willing to cherish and treasure her, and make sure she knows you think she’s important. Not mocking or belittling or talking down to her because of her emotions. If you are willing to do that, you may be surprised at how your relationship can be revitalized and even deepen.

What about you wives? Have you noticed the same thing? Paul doesn’t say, “Wives, respect your husband if he is fulfilling your needs at that exact moment.” And yet, all too often, that’s how wives can react as well. If you don’t feel loved, you may think, why should I respect him? He’s not being very kind to me, why should I try to be supportive of him. But that’s wrong thinking as well. Rather, you are to also do what Paul said. Respect your husband, period—especially when he is out of sorts. That’s the time when your patience is tested. And that’s when he needs your respect and your support the most. Men want to be respected, not made to feel stupid or incompetent. If you will do your best to show your husband respect, and persevere in that, you also may be surprised to see his care and love for you to grow and flourish.

This dynamic is explained by the author and marriage counselor Emerson Eggerichs. As he explains it:

Often, we focus on our own needs and simply overlook the needs of the other person. The wife needs love; she is not trying to be disrespectful. The husband needs respect; he is not trying to be unloving. Once you grasp this basic principle—that the “issue” is not the real issue at all—you are on your way to cracking the communication code [between a husband and wife] (p. 32, Love and Respect; Eggerichs, Emerson).

It’s straight from the Scripture—right out of the book of Ephesians. So try it. Test it. You might be surprised at the results.

The Spiritual Meaning of Marriage

And that brings us to our final key.

4. The Church will marry Christ.

Let’s go back to Ephesians to see this. As Paul was giving instructions to husbands and wives, he explained the overall purpose of marriage. Notice Ephesians 5:31.

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

You see, marriage was not only designed to create stable and solid relationships in the home. It actually serves as a model for us to understand our relationship with Christ.

It’s God’s purpose that we, as faithful servants of God, can become part of the Bride of Christ, to marry Him at His return. This is explained in Revelation 19:7.

“Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.

Marriage Prepares Us for Christ’s Return

Marriage is not just about having good families in the here and now. It serves as a roadmap for us to fulfill our destiny to be in God’s Kingdom and to marry Christ. God created marriage. And not just as a physical institution but as a reflection of our relationship with our Savior. We must make a commitment to Him as our living, loving God. And we must give our lives completely to God and Christ in humble obedience.

But not only that, if we are faithful Christians in this age, we will have the chance to help rule the nations under Christ in the Millennium. At that time, countless millions of men and women will need to be taught how to live godly, fulfilling lives. The survivors of the Tribulation and the Day of the LORD who live on into that glorious time as human beings will learn, many for the first time, to really love one another—and to love their spouse. Better, stronger marriages will be the hallmark of the millennial reign of Christ. And you and I can be there to assist Christ in making it happen.

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See you next time.