The Enduring Quality of Kindness

For those hurt by verbal abuse, especially from someone close, the old “sticks and stones” adage is little consolation. While negatively charged language may not “break bones,” it does leave indelible marks on young minds, damaging development and creating problems echoing throughout their lives. What is the impact of cruel or abusive language from an early age? And, what can help to prevent or overcome it?

Neuroscience News, citing a 2023 United Kingdom research study, reveals how verbal abuse in childhood has a negative impact on brain development and increases the potential for mental health issues into adulthood (NeuroscienceNews.com, May 11, 2025). The article points to the damage unkind words have on childhood brain development:

Harsh words can wound—and when directed at children, they can have a lifelong impact. Research has shown that when words are routinely used by the adults in their lives to humiliate, shame or control children, they can alter the developing brain…. Definitions of verbal abuse vary, but it is generally characterised by a sustained pattern of behaviour where criticism, threats or rejection of the child leads them to feel routinely belittled, blamed, threatened, frightened or ridiculed.

Researchers cited by Psychology Today found that “children who were verbally abused experienced a range of negative consequences throughout their lives—most commonly delinquent behavior, depression, aggression, conduct disorders, substance use, and anger. Other studies linked verbal abuse to depression, abuse perpetration, neurobiological changes, and physical health outcomes including obesity and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD)” (“The Long-Term, Underappreciated Damage of Verbal Abuse,” October 10, 2023).

Though family should be a word eliciting feelings of safety, security, and cherished memories, many experience family life as a struggle for survival. Life is vastly more difficult than God intended—because we are living at the end of an age marked with the scars of Satan’s cruelty toward mankind. Under his oppressive influence, cruelty all too often exists in families.

What parent’s patience has not, regrettably, worn thin at times, resulting in frustrated and hastily spoken words? While parents would joyfully retract those words, there is sadly no “unsend” button for unkind speech. However, a kind word or sincere apology can help mitigate damage. Do you seek kindness in your speech? Kindness is an intrinsic quality of the character of God and an attribute He desires us to develop in our interactions with one another (Galatians 5:22–23).

All men intent on pleasing God should consider that “what is desired in a man is kindness” (Proverbs 19:22). Additionally, God counsels fathers to be careful with the nature of their words toward their children: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). This discouragement can last a lifetime if the verbal abuse is prolonged and consistent. When a man is careful with his words, extending courteous, kind, gracious, and empathetic thoughts, the positive impact in the lives of his children, spouse, friends, and coworkers is inestimable.

All women seeking to be honorable and pleasing to God should consider the exemplary speech He lauds as indicative of a virtuous woman: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness…. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all’” (Proverbs 31:26–29).

There is power in kind and carefully chosen words. We must constantly be aware of how our words either build up or tear down. Scripture also instructs, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). Jesus Christ tells us in the Gospel of Mark, “Salt is good, but if the salt loses its flavor, how will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another” (Mark 9:50). The connection between speech “seasoned with salt” and peace is clear: Salt-seasoned speech serves as a preservative in friendships, marriages, parent-child relationships, and everything in between.

Scripture provides godly principles intended to strengthen the hearts and minds of young and old alike in the quality of kindness. While many today endure challenging circumstances, the Bible speaks of a coming time of indescribable peace, beauty, cooperation, and joy—when humanity will recognize Christ’s kindness and experience its benefits firsthand (Ephesians 2:7).

In the meantime, what atmosphere will you instill in your family? One of peace, kindness, and encouragement? Will you foster the enduring quality of kindness in your home? At work? In all your relationships? The impact of your kind words may endure far longer than you know—maybe into that very world soon to come.

Parents wanting to improve their relationships with their children would do well to read the free study guide Successful Parenting: God’s Way.