The Challenge of True Masculinity

What does it mean to be a masculine man in today’s world? This dilemma has recently been explored by British books, television dramas, and other media due to the increasingly noticeable absence of truly masculine role models in British society. Misconceptions of masculinity among young men have led to tragic consequences, which have played out in news headlines in the United Kingdom. Are there viable principles of true masculinity we can look to for the clarity young men need?

Young Men Feel Lost

Sir Gareth Southgate, former England football manager, recently asked the following question in the 46th Richard Dimbleby Lecture on 19 March 2025: “Why do so many young men feel lost, isolated, or without hope?” He highlighted how young men need to find positive male role models and build both belief and resilience to overcome these feelings. Otherwise, he warned, boys tend to withdraw and fill the void with “callous, manipulative and toxic” role models on social media, individuals who “trick young men into believing that success is measured by money or dominance, never showing emotion, and that the world, including women, is against them.”

What is the context of these feelings of disorientation? There is an epidemic of fatherlessness in the UK; 2.5 million boys have no father figure at home. The Higher Education Policy Institute reports that roughly half a million men have “missed out on higher education” in the last ten years, due to their lower academic achievement compared to that of women (March 20, 2025). Suicide rates among men in the UK are three times higher than among women—suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 50.

A recent UK-produced Netflix TV drama called Adolescence has received enthusiastic reviews for its portrayal of these issues. The drama reflects on a 13-year-old boy’s environment at home and emphasises his need for social validation, which he seeks through peers on social media. His emotional distress, combined with his lack of impulse control, expresses itself as anger, creating a dangerous situation and tragic outcome. Adolescence explores the effect on this boy’s family and community when he is charged with murdering his female classmate, and The Guardian has called the series a view of “what is known as ‘incel’ culture, the message spread between boys and young men about what they are entitled to expect and to take from girls and women” (March 13, 2025).

Incel, meaning “involuntarily celibate,” describes heterosexual men who adopt misogynistic views and behaviours while blaming women and society for their lack of romantic success. “Incels” use various emojis in messages to communicate ideas, thoughts, and themes that those outside the community—including concerned parents who monitor their teens’ social media usage—may not understand. They have used the “red pill” emoji as code for their belief that women are the cause of men’s problems. The “kidney bean” emoji has been used to signal allegiance to incel ideology. The “100 percent” emoji has been used in reference to the baseless notion that 80 percent of women are attracted to only 20 percent of men—implying that normal dating approaches are futile for most men. Use of emojis is very fluid, however, and varies over time and among users.

In his book Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It, author Richard Reeves attempts to explain these issues. “Boys are falling behind at school and college because of how the educational system is structured,” he writes. “Men are struggling in the labour market because of a shift away from traditionally male jobs. And fathers are dislocated because the cultural role of family provider has been hollowed out.”

God’s Guidelines for Masculinity

Reeves also observes that “the old models of marriage and family, based on the economic dependency of women on men, have been largely deconstructed. The traditional way worked well for children by encouraging the creation of fairly stable families. And it was mostly functional for men. As the sole or at least main provider, a man would join to a female carer, usually through marriage, in order to raise children.” Many want to criticise this reality of the past as something we have moved on from—something now out of date. They assert that there are no fundamental differences between the sexes and that all people can pursue any role they desire.

However, we are different—biologically and, very importantly, in our family and social roles. God did not make us to be alone (Genesis 2:18). He made us male and female to join as a family unit and raise godly children (Genesis 1:26–27; Malachi 2:15), and He intended the husband to be the family’s primary provider (1 Timothy 5:8). The differing roles God gave to men and women have an equally important part in God’s purpose for mankind as a whole. Revelation 12:9 states that Satan “deceives the whole world” in his efforts to destroy God’s intended design, and the breakdown of the family is one of his prime methods.

The Apostle Paul explains the expected behaviour of men in the biblical structure of the family. Men are to lead, love, and cherish their wives (Ephesians 5:22–25). Paul points out that the government structure in the home models the relationship between Christ and the Church—that Christ loves, leads, and serves the Church, and men should do the same for their families. The problems with masculine role models in today’s society come from man’s distortion of God-given guidelines, not from the guidelines themselves. When a man abuses his God-given leadership role within the family by oppressing his wife, a boy growing up in that environment will likely learn a negative view of women—and, when a man neglects his leadership role by failing to provide a masculine example, a boy is more susceptible to the harmful ideologies touted by incel culture.

Reeves goes on to write, “Manhood is a continuous achievement, rather than just a single milestone.” David Gilmore, in his book Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity, writes, “Real men do not simply emerge naturally over time like butterflies from boyish cocoons; they must be assiduously coaxed from their juvenescent shells, shaped and nurtured, counseled and prodded into manhood.” This process is most effective when guided by positive male role models, ideally with a present and loving father taking the lead.

As a concluding thought, we can consider a comment a mother once made to Sir Gareth Southgate, which he related in his Dimbleby lecture: “One of the most impactful things we can do for women is to focus on improving young men.” Young men should be taught—and can learn—to respect women and treat them with decency. By doing so, they are following the basic biblical principle of doing to others as we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12). Ultimately, that is what we all want, and a godly, masculine man will take up this challenge and lead by example.

To learn more on this vital topic, you can read our insightful study guide Successful Parenting: God’s Way or order a free printed copy.