Laying Track for Our Children

The Transcontinental Railroad was a great achievement for the 19th century United States, taking more than six years to build and cutting the cost of a cross-country trip from about $1,000 to about $150. Even today, laying train track is slow and laborious, and the initial investment is high—building one kilometer of high-speed rail track in Europe can run into the tens of millions of euros. Nevertheless, there are huge long-term benefits to be gained after the high initial cost.

Parents should realize that teaching their children is a lot like laying railroad track. The initial labor may be hard and the cost high, but the end result is well worth it: children who commit their lives to staying on track by living in love and obedience toward God. As parents, then, we must think about the track we are laying for our children—whether that track will lead them to a relationship with God and entry into His eternal family.

In doing so, we’re following the pattern set by God Himself. Moses described two ways we can choose, one leading to life and the other leading to death. God wants us to follow the track that leads to life, “that both you and your descendants may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19). Jesus Christ told His disciples to “enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction” (Matthew 7:13).

So, how can we lay good track for our children to help them toward the Kingdom of God?

Keep Instructions Simple

Parents can frustrate their children—and ultimately themselves—by not clearly breaking down instructions into simple parts or steps. If we don’t give children specific instructions or adequately prepare them for a task, we set them up to fail. Instead, we can set them up to succeed by clearly laying out expectations for them and teaching them how to follow our instructions.

Consider teaching a child to clean his room. This simple-sounding task gives a lot of grief to parents and children alike! As one parent described, “It’s easy for a parent to say, ‘Go and clean up your room,’ but that doesn’t tell the child anything. You may as well tell them to stare at the wall. You need the discipline to go in there with them and model exactly what to do—show them how to fold a piece of clothing and put it in the closet or the right drawer” (Roy Baumeister and John Tierney, Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, 2011, p. 201).

Likewise, God breaks down what He requires of us into small, understandable chunks, then holds us accountable for our obedience. Notice the Apostle Paul breaking down his explanation of applying God’s law: “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another…. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need” (Ephesians 4:25, 28). When working with our children, we need to break things down in the same way.

Develop Consistency

What if the rail boss picked a different route for the track each day? Imagine the frustration! But isn’t that what it’s like for our children if we’re always changing the rules—or not enforcing them? It’s better not to make a rule than to fail to apply one consistently. Inconsistency damages our credibility as parents, undermining our children’s trust that we know the path to success. Consider:

When parents are inconsistent, when they let an infraction slide, they sometimes try to compensate with an extra-strict punishment for the next one…. Imagine how this looks from the child’s point of view…. Seemingly tiny or even random differences in your own behavior or in the situation seem to spell the difference between no punishment at all and a highly upsetting one. Besides resenting the unfairness, you learn that the most important thing is not how you behave but whether or not you get caught, and whether your parents are in the mood to punish (Baumeister and Tierney, p. 200).

God is consistent—He says, “I am the Lord, I do not change” (Malachi 3:6), and “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). We know we can follow His consistent lead. As we work with our children, we need to be as consistent as we can, despite feelings of fatigue or frustration.

Don’t Withhold Loving Correction

Sometimes our children disobey us or exhibit wrong attitudes. If we fail to correct them for doing so, we’re not helping them in the long run. The goal of discipline is never to express anger, but to show a better way in love and concern—a “course correction” given calmly and straightforwardly, showing them how to get back on the right track. Otherwise, we just reinforce their travel on the wrong track. Problems not dealt with don’t go away—they just develop into more deeply ingrained bad patterns.

Consider this advice from educator Burton L. White:

I don’t believe you can do a first-rate job… without your baby occasionally becoming very unhappy with the limits you have set. I assure you that if you yield to that unhappiness on a regular basis you’ll find that the price will be very high for all of you. If your child learns the core lesson that she is extremely precious and loved, and that her needs are very important, but that she is no more precious than anyone else in the world, nor are her needs more important than those of other people, especially yours, then you’re likely to do just fine (Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child, 1994, pp. 195–196).

This is also what the Bible says. Ecclesiastes 8:11 tells us to deliver correction speedily—otherwise, wrong actions will grow into wrong patterns. Leviticus 19:17 shows that real love means we are willing to help others, including our children when they get on the wrong track.

Keep Yourself on Track

How will our children believe that the track we show them is the way to success if they don’t see us on it? Consider the following from our powerful and informative booklet Successful Parenting: God’s Way: “Young children’s perception of God is primarily developed by their parents’ example. We cannot hope to rear godly children if we, as parents, are not genuine godly examples. If children see intolerance, hypocrisy, self-centeredness, and frequent anger, they will not likely be attracted to their parents’ belief system. Instead, the authority figures in their youth will provoke a negative attitude toward God’s authority later in life” (p. 2).

If we tell our children to go one way, but they see us going another, why would they follow us? Paul said, “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). Unless we show our children that God’s way works for us, they won’t believe that it will work for them.

Scripture tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Parents have an opportunity to teach children the paths and patterns that will keep them off the track that leads to destruction. Let’s do our best to make the necessary investment—laying good track for our children so that they can follow us into God’s Kingdom.